I fell apart a little today.
When Peter and I started dating back in 2012, I didn't realise just how stressful and exhausting it would be to be in a relationship with someone with chronic pain and increasingly severe depression. It made me understand my ex's decision to break up with me while I was going through a severe depressive episode a lot better. Goodness knows I've been tempted more than once to just throw up my hands and say "Enough! I can't do this anymore! I'm tired, I'm tapped out, and I'm just plain done."
But sometimes I do start crying and talking about how tired I am. Today was one of those days. It's been a stressful few weeks, what with dealing with the landlord (oh god just make it stop, I am so fucking done), finding a new place to live (there goes all my money!), and trying to do all the usual chores and priority juggling without much success.
(We have a new place to live. I got a promotion and a raise at work, so my finances won't be quite as tight as I thought. And of course recognition for my hard work is pretty nice, too. It's not all bad.)
And I miss my parents. Maybe it's all the stress. Maybe it's the fact that I've ended up spending more time with Peter's parents than my own recently. Maybe I'm just homesick for the simplicity of being someone's child, instead of my usual feeling these days of being the maid in a madhouse.
I usually try to keep shit together. Keep calm and carry on, etc. But today I just sort of lost it and started crying.
I hate that it gets to that point, but I really don't know what else to do.